The Fringe Group

I spent the better part of a decade working in youth ministry. I am inspired by young people and I savor building friendships with them. It feels like settling into my most comfortable clothes, when I am surrounded by passionate, dream-filled, bluntly honest young people.

The groups in the student ministry were often very large. There would be those who would want to be up close to where anything was going on. There were those that were more cautious and reluctant and hung further back. There were those that created the fringe of the rug of students. They stayed as far away from the throb of the focus, as was possible. They were somewhat disconnected but still loosely tied in. They framed the ministry.

The fringe group were often kids that I had not previously met. I did not know their families, let alone what their interests were. Yet, they were the ones my heart melted for. At first it is awkward to connect with someone that is not familiar. What if I am greeted with a cold shoulder? What if I can not find common ground for conversation? What if I'm shrugged off as too old?

For many years, my adult daughter volunteered in youth ministry, alongside me. We both savored the fringe group. We were drawn to it like a toddler is drawn to the worn-out fringe on the edge of his favorite blankie. We savored their stories and their honesty. They kept us from getting stagnant in our friend groups. They sponged up offers to pray together about the chapter of story that they were in. They returned to us with updates.

The benefit of reaching out to the people that we craved to know, far out-weighed staying in our comfort zone. It just took a bit of a jump to get over that initial hurdle.

What group are you drawn to? Is it a particular age group, gender, skill group? What are you doing about it?

Farewell, For Now

Many of you are returning home for Thanksgiving or winter break.
Many of you are expecting the return of your family during that time.
We look forward to it so much. That time slips by with an accelerated clock, doesn't it?

I recently found a short poem that I wrote a while back. I wrote this when one of our adult kids was en route back to college after one of his home-visits. Being as we are heading into that season of home-visits, once again, I thought I would post it.

On Your Own
How do I say this?
Surely you know...
How do I say this?
I don't want you to go...
How do I say this?
Your time home's too short.
How do I say this?
Home's only your port.
From here you will be
steadying your footing.
From here you will be
a graft from our rooting.

Making Decisions

Photo by Dieter Zander. See other photos of his here.

1. Begin with prayer.
   

   Jeremiah 29:11
   "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV)

2. Define the decision. Ask yourself if the decision involves a moral or non-moral area.
   

   Psalm 119:105
   Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. (NIV)

3. Be ready to accept and obey God's answer.
   
   

   Proverbs 3:5-6
   Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
   do not depend on your own understanding.
   Seek his will in all you do,
   and he will show you which path to take. (NLT)

4. Exercise faith.

   Hebrews 11:6
   And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. (NIV)

5. Seek concrete direction. Begin investigating, evaluating and gathering information. .
6. Make a list. First write down the priorities you believe God would have in your situation. These are not the things that are important to you, but rather the things that are most important to God in this decision. Will the outcome of your decision draw you closer to God? Will it glorify him in your life? How will it impact those around you?
7. Weigh the decision. Make a list of the pros and cons connected with the decision. You may find that something on your list clearly violates the revealed will of God in his Word. If so, you have your answer. This is not his will. If not, then you now have a realistic picture of your options to help you make a responsible decision.
8. Choose your spiritual priorities. By this time you should have enough information to establish your spiritual priorities as they relate to the decision. Ask yourself which decision best satisfies those priorities? If more than one option will fulfill your established priorities, then choose the one which is your strongest desire!

   Sometimes God gives you a choice. In this case there is no right and wrong decision, but rather a freedom from God to choose, based on your preferences. Both options are within God's perfect will for your life and both will lead to the fulfillment of God's purpose for your life.

9. Act on your decision. If you have arrived at your decision with the sincere intention of pleasing the heart of God, incorporating biblical principles and wise counsel, you can proceed with confidence knowing that God will work out his purposes through your decision.

   Romans 8:28
   And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (NIV)

This decision process gleaned from Mary Fairchild's article, at About.com

Decisions

Life is the sum of all your choices. ~Albert Camus

Every day we make decisions. Some come out of habit and without much thought, like getting out of bed in the morning or brushing our teeth.

Some are common sense ones, like stopping at a sidewalk when persons are crossing.

Some have us weighing options and outcomes, like when we are selecting what to have to eat and are thinking about calories, cholesterol and flavor.

Some have such long-term implications like medical treatment decisions, post high school plans, whom we marry or if we want to choose to marry.

Choices are the hinges of destiny.
~Attributed to both Edwin Markham and Pythagoras

Some of these decisions can seem so overwhelmingly, that we feel nauseous and headache prone. We need others around us to be sounding boards, advisers and prayer support, as we wrestle with them.

Then there are those times when the decision being made is done by choosing to ignore it. It is as if, by not addressing the choice involved, we are willing the issue to go away...but of course, it does not.

When you have to make a choice and don't make it,
that is in itself a choice. ~William James

Smart Policy or Wise Policy?

photo by Andrew Kaster

"Be as smart as you can, but remember
that it is always better to be wise than to be smart."
Alan Alda

We have all observed smart policies, that are well intended. However, wisdom would show that they should not be adhered to in all circumstances.

Today, our youngest son, Daniel, experienced one of those. The policy is one that his high school put into place. Basically it is stated that if one has late arrival or early dismissal, that student should not be in the school building during that time. The intent behind it is smart. It is meant to prevent distracting conversations from going on in the hallways and to deter and derail the potential for mischief.

Daniel has missed a fair amount of school this past week and a half. First he had a cold, then he came down with the flu. He returned to school yesterday. He has a tsunami of coursework to make up, including tests. He scheduled a make-up test for this morning, during a class period that he is not scheduled to be in a class for.

He arrived, went to the classroom and waited. The teacher did not show up with the test. Mind you , this is a really good, responsible teacher. There was undoubtedly some miscommunication somewhere or the teacher was ill. Daniel was waiting in the classroom and security spotted him. When he was questioned, it was determined that he should not be in the building, so he was promptly sent home. Continuing to wait for the teacher or staying to study was not an option, due to this policy.

Daniel obediently left the premises and walked home. He did not have a car to jump into and drive home. He could not call me to pick him up, due to my poor hearing (I often do not hear the phone). He had already been in the school for a half hour. The walk home was another 20-25 minutes. By the time he arrived home the class period was almost over. It was time to turn around and go back.

Remember, he is just barely beyond having been flat-out ill. He looked pale. He is fatigued. He still has a residual cough, as does about a third of the rest of the school. He gave up sleep to make up a test and was sent out into the 38 degree morning to walk home and back, instead of being allowed to remain in school, sit quietly and study.

Sigh.

I am not knocking the security guard, whose job is to enforce a policy meant for maintaining a good educational environment. However, this question begs to be asked: Would letting this quiet student stay at school have interfered with the quality of the educational environment? I am suggesting that sometimes a policy might be better used as guidelines, rather than be enforced as if it is a rule.

What is a example of a well intended policy that you have found would be better used as a guideline, rather than a rule?

SAT For Parents

Daniel is in a typical senior year frenzy. It has to do with the big college application quest. The application process includes collecting letters of recommendation, writing illuminating essays and sending college entrance exam scores.

His ACT was completed this past spring and he is about to take his SAT. In preparation for that, he can request to receive one SAT question per day to his email account, to practice with. The parent can also opt to be sent a question a day.

I took the challenge. Why not?

The good news? I have been doing this for two months and have not made a wrong choice, in critical reading or writing portions of the test.

The bad news? I have not answered correctly in the mathematics portion, even once. That is humbling, to say the least. It is not at all surprising. Math has not been a strength of mine.

I had to re-take Algebra in high school. I took it again at the community college, when our daughter reached an age to be learning it in middle and high school. I wanted to be knowledgeable and able to help her with the occasional questions she had in her homework.

I had already lost memory of how the algebraic equations worked, by the time her younger brother needed help with homework. I re-enrolled at the community college. I resolutely took the course, once again. By the time his younger two brothers needed help, I resigned myself to encouraging them to find help through peers and tutors. I was not about to take the same class for a fifth time.

I am glad that I have been challenged (humbled) by the SAT question-a-day emails. It gives me empathy for the students in my life. We are not designed to have the same strengths as the next person. It can be pretty demeaning to be measured by a sum. It can also be quite misleading.

I am not a math genius. However, I do savor time to ponder. I buck timed tests. I know that I have strengths as a poet, researcher, care-giver, debater, motivator, counselor and in the use of logic and deductive reasoning. However, many of those things aren't measured in a standardized college test.

I know that I am not alone in quivering at the weight of worth that college entrance exams seem to have. Seniors, you have my heart-felt empathy and prayers.

"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind;
it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up."
Mark Twain

I Am Glad That I Was Cornered Into Doing Grand Jury Duty

Summoned to jury duty? Do you wish you could get out of it? So did I. Now that it is over, I am very glad that I had the opportunity, even though it was challenging to become available to do so.

Here are some reasons why:

Seeing the process helped me comprehend how my tax dollars are being used.
Seeing the process kicked out any assumptions that there is plenty of funding.
Seeing the process convinced me that there are well thought-out programs and strategies in place for at-risk people groups, put into place by innovative caring people.
Seeing the process convinced me that more dollars are needed for our justice system.
Seeing the process convinced me that mandatory early prison release should not be an option, as a means of cutting the state budget.
Seeing the process reinforced my respect for the local police and justice departments, in all facets of staffing.
Seeing the process stirred compassion in my heart for many of those who are in the position of being witnesses.
Seeing the process helped me better understand the nuances and complexities of our laws.
Seeing the process allowed me to see people working diligently, on behalf of the well-being and safety of others.
Seeing the process allowed me to see inside our jail and what being there might be like.
Seeing the process helped me experience why jurors should be randomly picked.

Seeing the process reminded me

of how thankful I am to be an American.

Back From Sabbatical

The above graphic is from this post.

I took a bit of a sabbatical from writing blog posts, due to a summons to county jury duty. I know plenty of people in the vicinity who rarely, if ever, are summoned. I am summoned like clockwork, every 2 years. My husband John is, as well. It must be a genetic predisposition, since our 19 year old son has also already been summoned and served on a jury. Our 26 year old daughter has been summoned a couple of times, too.

As is the case for most people, the receipt of such a summons is not met with enthusiasm. It is a challenge to clear a schedule to go wait to serve for a day on a jury...or not and be sent home.

With the summons comes the possibility to be randomly selected to be on a grand jury. If selected, I knew it would be a longer stint, but was not aware of how much longer. I really wasn't worried that it could be me put into that position. What are the odds, anyway? Evidently the odds were good. I was assigned and served a 5 week stint.

Yes, my reaction was much like just about everyone else. I wondered how I would possibly manage that. For some, it means taking time off work, but still being paid by an employer. Yet the work they have left undone, still needs to be done. For others, it is unpaid time. Many have childcare or caregiver responsibilities. Many are small business owners or contractors and if the work isn't done by them it just doesn't get done. It is a challenge, a hardship, a burden...and a worthwhile privilege.

I can not speak for other counties or grand jury experiences. I can speak of mine and of Washington County, Oregon.

Seeing the inside of the justice system was like observing why a clock and all of its gears ticks so reliably, when in the past, I had only appreciated that I could tell what time it is.

Seeing the process was enlightening. It was worth the hardship of being summoned. I will tell you why I think so, in my next post.

Bringing Life Into Focus

"Just think
how happy you would be
if you lost everything you have right now,
and then got it right back again."

~Frances Rodman